· The Mini Spaz Attack When Your In Bed, Half Asleep And Imagine Your Falling
· I am not a morning person. Do not pull the covers off me. I WILL KILL YOU.
· Accomplishing something before the microwave reaches :00.
· i hate it when i get a text, and its not off the person you want it to be!
· I sing the alphabet in my head when I look up a word in the dictionary
· Killing a spider then worrying its spider buddies will seek revenge
· I say lol WAY too much
· I'm always right about everything, EVER!
· realizing your wrong in the middle of an argument but continuing to argue
· I'm trying to get to sleep, but keep thinking about random crap
· I read the group name, I laugh, I join, I never look at it again!
· I couldn't give a flying f*** about what you're up to on Farmville.
· I'll get up at 20 past... oh, it's 23 past. I'll have to write till half past now.
· Another Farmville invite and I'll kill your animals and burn your crops.
· No! I will not consider revising this fragment!
· YOU STUPID COMPUTER *it starts working* oh... sorry. I love you
· 'Sorry' 'STOP SAYING SORRY' 'sorry'
· 'brb, having a shower' then BAM you imagine them naked
· When I die I give my friends permission to change my status to 'is dead'
· Sorry, I don't speak chav. Please speak English. Thank you
· I have died over 147 times for not forwarding those chain messages
· I held the door open for your ungrateful butt, SAY THANK YOU.
· So many empty seats on this train/bus, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SIT NEXT TO ME?!
· As soon as the headphones are in, EVERYONE starts talking to you!
· "Up Next, Loose Women" I'd rather eat a flaming bag of shit.
· I love it when bus drivers wave to each other
· And why can't my life be a musical?
· excuse me but w t f do you have your own name tattooed onto your body for?
· Listening to music on a car/train ride and feeling like you're in a movie
· When I was little I watched raindrops on the window to see which one 'won'
· Saving a file as "dyjjyggffj'', because I'm too lazy to write a proper name
· Getting your top caught on a door handle and being dragged backwards!
· Thankyou phone, for letting me look at you in awkward situations
· I honestly hate the feeling of building up for a sneeze and with no outcome
· Against Gay Marriage? Then Don't Get One and Shut the F**k Up
· At School why were we forced to cover our Jotters with wallpaper?
· When I go out looking like crap, I see just about everyone I know!
· Jesus backwards sounds like sausage. That is all.
· you shouldn't have.... you REALLY shouldn't have...
· Don't call me moody when it's your f**king fault i'm in a mood!
· All you do is sit on that computer". No, i sit on the chair.
· I Click 'Agree' to the Terms and Conditions Without Reading it.
· I blame Disney for my high expectations of men
· I am above the age of 9 and I still wake up earlier than 7 on Christmas Day
· "I HAVE ALREADY PLACED MY ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA!!!"
· f**k council tax. i will fight crime myself and empty my own f**king bin
· My house is a shit hole, but my facebook page looks great!
· Saying YOUR WELCOME really loudly when people dont thank you
· silent treatment, not smiling, short answers = YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG!
· "Unexpected item in bagging area" "OH FUK OFF."
· Don't you just hate it when everyone loves the person you hate
· Why do all old people on the bus know each other
· When I die, I hope God shows me a best bits montage of my life
· I miss the Saturday nights which consisted of Gladiators and Blind Date
· Matilda taught me how to spell D I F F I C U L T Y
· 'Yorkies aren't for girls'? Shove your Yorkie up your ass
· If you tickle my feet I'm not responsible for what happens to your face.
· I will not be responsible for txts sent after 3am.... it's my drunk AlterEgo.
· Ooo, a tagged picture SHITT UNTAG UNTAG UNTAG!
· I check behind the shower curtain for murderers when i go into the bathroom
· I was going to post a status , then i remembered i have family on Facebook
· Gooo compare...Goo compare....oooh **** off you fat ****
· If it weren't for Facebook, i wouldn't remember your birthday
· "Everyone knows someone called Dave"
· i've always wanted to matress surf down a long flight of stairs
· dear first years, get a smaller bag. you look like a tourist...
· something really good comes out, then the chavs ruin it
· dear bed, im sorry i left you this morning, take me back? ):
· Dear shampoo, You are Supposed to clean my hair, NOT burn my eyes
· Dear Summer 2010, Please hurry up and get here. Kthanksbye.
· The mass panic when a biscuit breaks and falls into your cup of tea
· I don't give a %^&&$ about your farm. Or your £$%&%$ zoo. Or your £$%&%$ café. %^&&$ off!
· You're not drunk. You've had one drink. Stop pretending.
· Texting while lying down and dropping the phone on your face.
· Infect Farmville with foot and mouth
· Putting 2 pringles in your mouth and pretending you're a duck
· 'Tonight Matthew I'm going to be.... OFF MY FACE!'
· If history repeats itself, I'm totally getting a dinosaur.
· If you Can't Differentiate Between "Your" and "You're" You Deserve To Die
· I would take a bullet for you, not in the head, but like in the leg or something
· I hate it when you make a cuppa and every tosser in the house wants one
· No, creepy 40-year-old foreign guy, you may NOT add me as a friend
· 'I've pretended to die in front of my pet to see how they react'
· When I was young our phones didn't have internet, they had SNAKE!
· Join if you've ever put " BOOBIES" on a calculator
· Right I'm going to start my work RIGHT NOW, oh look I have a notification
· That feeling that you're going to die when you lean back to far on your chair
· i accidentally typed ;) instead of :) and now its awkward
· reading texts half asleep. . . and its like looking at the sun
· Wh3r youH from bbz? "Earth you uneducated tit"
· i didnt trip i was testing gravity. It still works.
· Having an 100% sarcastic conversation with someone who thinks your being serious.
· Trying to tell my parents a funny story . . . and it turns into a life lecture.
· Yes i have put my spoon in the bin instead of the yoghurt
· Pulling a ninja move to stop yourself slipping on ice
· When I Was Younger, I Put My Face Close to the Fan to Hear My Robot Voice.
· I still laugh when the ketchup bottle " farts"
· I don't search for groups, i wait for my friends to join them, then i copy.
· oooh, a friend request... who the hell is Iqbal?
· I hate it when someone else takes the piece of food I have mentally claimed
· my parents didn't put me in time-out, they whooped my ass!
· I use my bra as a pocket
· Hearing someones story, and thinking " Fu*k, you're so full of s!*t!"
· I Love Sleep!
· My sleeping pattern is f*cked!
· I Just Woke Up, Don't Talk to Me.
· your just a bullshitter thats why no one likes you.
· Having secret nicknames for people you hate.
· I can't remember what it's like to not feel tired.
· Being afraid that you care way more about a person than they do about you.